Since the last entry, I have been so extremely busy. To begin with, school reopened after the two weeks raya break. It has been hectic. Frankly speaking, I have been hiding from the school's administrators for the reasons I would not want to discuss in here. If you are a teacher, I think you would understand why I dodged them.
I have tried to put up something in this blog, but then my laptop faced a problem- I cannot connect to the Internet. Trying not to waste any time, I typed the review of the paper by Radecki & Swales (1988) using Word on my laptop. Later, I sent my laptop for fixing, and alhamdullilah, it is now back online. But then another problem comes (and yet to be solved). I cannot use Microsoft Word for whatever reason. So the paper cannot be viewed, so much so the table of readings I have done (I cannot remember the system's name but it was suggested by Dr. OT).
Now, because of that, I had my moment, again. I really, really felt like breaking down and just cry. Yes, I have a soft heart. It happened before and I suppose until I finish this master, the moment will always come back.
I'm just tired. I am really tired. School has not been kind to me. We face so much problems. Surely there are the admins. On Monday right after the break, we were visited by the Pengarah of BPSBPSK and I was called because of the PBS. Surely, someone is trying to make it big. I was issued a Surat Tunjuk Sebab earlier this year for a very stupid reason- not responding (in written) to a complaint, while I and my team had discussed the issue with the admins. I have been targeted each time. I cannot do things around the school in peace. I am practically being bullied. But, who will ever hear me?
The problem started some times earlier this year. And I started to hate it. I wanted to go- leave all this behind. My travellings seem cannot accommodate my need to run away anymore. I just wanna go. So I started to look for jobs online. Teaching of course. Then I applied for English Teacher position in UPNM and IIUM. Alhamdulillah, IIUM called me for a test during Ramadan and I passed so I was called for the first interview. Me, naturally, passed the first interview. I know I have the every confidence in me to go through. And in the midst of hardship, I was called again for the second interview. The question was the same- "are you willing to teaching in the new campus in Gambang?". I answered yes. Datin Dr. Engku Haliza, the Dean of CELPAD, smiled throughout the interview and I am confident that I am in. Now I just need to wait for the offer letter.
Yes, I am running away.
I have ran before. But I didn't know I was to come into a worse scenario. That makes me ponder- will I be happier if I were to leave this school and teach at IIUM?
Teaching in school is not the same, compared to my first year teaching (2009). Now with the ever-changing system, we teachers are burden with even more paperwork. PBS is not making things easier for us. I now don't know the head and tail of the syllabus. My RPT seems down the drain. The kids seem not wanting to learn knowing that there will be no PMR whatsoever. I have rude students who would just stare at me during my lesson, as if she wanna eat me. I'm talking about some barbarian kind of look here, not that sexy lirikan manja anak gadis kind of stare. I have students who do not want to do anything in the class. Some would just simply copy the answer from their friends. They do not want to do a thing. I don't know what to do now. I have tried things. Teaching used to be so much fun. But not anymore. Being pressured by the admins, the parents, and now even the students.
Will I face the same if I were to go to IIUM?
